Chaos
It is amazing how cleaning and getting rid of things can make you feel. It is an emotional roller coaster. There is a sense of peace and order and chaos all at the same time. I feel as if I get so lost in piles and clutter. I feel so disconnected from the world. Lost in the chaos. Depressed about the world and everything that gets lost in the chaos. I suppose that there are many reasons that I want to purge and simplify. Maybe I look for order and connection with the world around me.
Every time I purge a drawer I feel a sense of relief…and then i go through the five stages of grief.
1st-Denial—”I don’t have too much stuff…I need this stuff. I may use this. If I get rid of it, I will need it and not have it. ”
2nd-Anger-”What the hell…this drawer won’t close. I need bigger closets.”
3rd-Bargaining-“Maybe i can keep this if lose weight. I might fit into it in the spring. ”
4th-Depression-”I am not going to lose weight. I am too fat for this. I don’t even like how I look in this. ”
5th-Acceptance -”Fine this is going into the “give away” pile.”
God I hate purging the drawers. It always makes me feel bad…then good. What a double edged sword. And worse, I feel as if I mourn this crap that I don’t need and sometimes don’t even want it. Hmmm…today I will give away many items versus the normal one possession. Time to drop a huge pile to the salvation army. Today is a good step forward.
